Last fall I had the privilege of meeting the lovely Liza Baker, a holistic health coach, author of “Flip Your Kitchen” and all around amazing person, at the "Best and Brightest in Wellness" conference in Detroit! After sharing a great conversation about our businesses and mutual passion for wellness and helping others, she reached out to me to be featured in her blog! In the Q&A I talk about CONFIDENCE, MINDSET and making RADICAL SHIFTS to live a life you LOVE!
Confidence Junkie | Q+A with Melissa Brode
One of the best parts of being a health coach is meeting other coaches doing their work in the world. Last fall, I met Melissa Brode of Fuel Wellness, and I just know that her wisdom will touch many of your lives! We put together a quick Q+A for you, and I encourage you to check out the resources Melissa mentions and her own work!
[LB] You call yourself a confidence junkie-say more about what that means (it reminds me of Gabrielle Bernstein’s SPIRIT JUNKIE-any connection?)
[MB] I did complete Gabby Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass in 2016, however I came up with the term/title “Confidence Junkie” while reflecting on the personal development work I have done in my own life.
A “confidence junkie” is someone who fearlessly and unapologetically embraces who they are and what they want out of life every day. I gave myself this title last year after reflecting on my personal health and wellness journey over the past several years. I have worked through some major hardships around disordered eating, anxiety, self-image, and personal confidence. Through this deep personal work I have become the happiest and healthiest I have been in years!
[LB] I often hear women complain that from the outside, their lives look like a fairy tale; from the inside, they feel like they’re living a lie-and you actually say something similar on your website (I think the words you used were “I was a HOT MESS!” How do you think this situation arises in our lives, and how does it play out?
[MB] For years, I remained stuck in my comfort zone. I felt safe and comfortable just playing small. I made myself believe that I was “happy” and “content”-and on the inside, I was anything but…. I knew I wanted to make changes in my health, I knew I wanted to start my own business, I knew I wanted to start living life on my terms, but my negative self talk and external factors kept me from following my dreams. I was afraid of failure, judgment, etc.
I personally believe that many women get caught trying to fit into unrealistic expectations placed on us by external factors (other people in our lives, society, media, etc.) and perhaps more importantly, our own negative self talk/inner critic. We get trapped living on autopilot, going through the motions, and living a life of “shoulds” (I “should” look/feel/think this way, I “should” stay in my current job even though I am unhappy, I “should” spend my free time doing XYZ even though I do not enjoy it, etc.).
For many people, this way of living becomes so deeply ingrained that eventually it gets adopted as normal. We become disconnected from who we really are and what brings us authentic joy, and we settle for how things are because it feels safe and familiar-even if it isn’t what we want and/or need. On the outside, we can look like we have it all together, but when we are not being authentic, we can easily find ourselves unhappy, resentful and even depressed with how we are living.
[LB] How did you shift this in your own life?
[MB]After years of living on autopilot and going through the motions, I realized that I needed to make a change.
In 2016, I unexpectedly lost two of my grandparents in a three-week time period. They were both HUGE role models in my life and always encouraged me to follow my dreams, and reminded me that I could do ANYTHING I set my mind to. After their passing, I had somewhat of an “ah-ha” moment where I realized that life is way too short to be living anything less than happy and confident. I made some personal commitments and goals for myself to work on my self-care, mindset, and health.
I started dedicating time to personal development work through reading, working with coaches, investing in courses, and practicing yoga on a daily basis. In order to live life on my terms, I needed to become completely aware of what I desired out of life, and digging deep was the only way I was going to understand that. Once I had an understanding of where I wanted my life to go, I had to identify what has been holding me back from achieving these things in the past. This work is deep, uncomfortable, and definitely not easy…and it is absolutely critical to move forward!
When I was able to identify the blocks in my own life, I was able to set up a realistic plan of action to overcome the barriers and move forward (this is something I help women with through my coaching). When I realized that I am 100% in control of my own life, I began to see how every thought, action, and decision impacted the next. Over time and with continuous work, I started to notice a positive shift in how I was feeling emotionally and physically.
The thing to remember is that this is a process, not a final destination! I continue to work on my mindset on a regular basis in order to ensure that I am living authentically and am staying true to myself!